No More Promises

Re-reading my old journals before I bid 2013 goodbye. It's funny how I was a completely different girl back then. I'm actually surprised of how I've become in just a span of 3 years. I may have found and lost my passion in-between but I can't wait to revisit what I believe I really want for myself. I opened up 2013 with a lot of promises and have broken almost everything on the list. So instead of making new promises, I'd rather be surprised with what 2014 will bring. A few weeks ago, I had this nice talk with a really good friend and he told me to find my passion and work on it and I think that's what I'm going to be busy about this year.

The Number Game

So there's this number game that's been going around Twitter the past days. Mechanics: DM me a number 1-500 and I'll tell you how I feel about you in a tweet without anyone knowing. Remember your number.

You didn't give me any number but here's what I have to say about you. I've loved you so much that I can pretty much do anything for you. My closest friends know that for a fact. I can still clearly remember the day I told you that I had feelings for you. You were telling me that it was just normal and that it was okay. But it was not 'cause I don't usually profess what I feel about a person.

Apparently, my feelings grew bigger that even I couldn't handle them. I've been in love with the thought that you'd change your mind about me or at least have made up your mind. A lot of our friends keep on telling me that I should just brush off my emotions and forget about it; forget about you. God, I wish it was that easy. 

I once had this same situation with someone else and I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want my love to turn into anger and then learn to hate you. I don't want to feel these towards you because it's just different with you; you're different and because at one point, we were really friends.

Just recently, my friend told me to just end all of this. "Easier said than done," I abruptly said. She then asks me, "has he done something for you?" And then it hit me, you haven't done anything really but to make me like you even more and hate you at the same time 'cause you can't reciprocate what I'm feeling.

Then there's this game that made me realize that we had no real connection going on. Call me shallow but it's the truth. This so-called friendship of ours isn't over yet though. I don't regret anything I've ever done to/with you, I hope you don't as well. I just need time to breathe and accept everything. 

Okay? Okay.

It's been a while since I posted something about a book I read. Today was a free day for me since my school celebrates its 75th anniversary. Not the point. It's actually my 2nd time to finish this book and I must say, I couldn't stop sobbing throughout the story. It's just so good and you can feel the character's joy and pain that you create this world of your own to just take a moment and feel everything. The story's really beautiful it made me love and hate John Green at the same time. It's just sad how Augustus Waters died, I really didn't see it coming and thought Hazel Grace would die first. Listed below are a few of my favorite quotations in the book.

“I'm in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.”

—	Augustus Waters

“But I believe in true love, you know? I don’t believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.”

—

Isaac

“It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.”

—	Augustus Waters

"You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm forever grateful."

— Hazel Grace


"The marks humans leave are too often scars."

— Augustus Waters

These are just a few of course. If I could post everything here then I would but this post would be too long. The book's a really good read, I must say. Grab the book and see for yourself!

School, yaaaaaay!

Summer's officially over and here I am on my bed typing these as I am dreadful of going back to school tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow's the start of a new chapter yet again. A fresh start as what would everyone say. I'm actually pretty excited for what's in store for me this semester. I hope everything turns out well for me and for everyone I know. I have 2 major subjects + 2 electives, no biggie. I'm going to be writing and writing and writing for all I know. Not that I'm complaining though, I'm just saying that I don't have a problem with writing. The time constraints blow so I have yet to be actually good at time management.

What I have learned from the past semesters would be of great help and boost me to be a better student slash person slash whatever you want to insert here. N O C R A M M I N G would be one of the many things I should practice. It's hard to not cram when you're a college student but hey, it's fun! Okay, I'm kidding. It's really stressful so I should stay away from it. "I haven't experienced cramming in my whole life." Said no normal person ever!

This semester would be a whole lot different one since I swear I'd be more focused on my studies and of course spread good vibes as what this post is all about. I guess it's true how people say when you send good vibes, you receive good vibes in return. Talk about good karma huh?

Photo Credit: Tumblr

On High Hopes and Disappointments

Have you every found yourself thinking that the person who you thought was the best for you, is actually the reason why you're messed up? I have. A couple of times actually. I don't know why I can't get out of it as much as I want to. Believe me, I've tried to do it a couple of times but I always fail. It's like he's the magnet and I'm a piece of metal, that whatever I do, I just can't stay away from him. Maybe it was easier then to have never tried getting in. Had I thought that I would be wasting a lot of sanity, I wouldn't have even bothered building what seems to be this friendship that is hard to maintain.


I actually never thought that it needed a lot of effort to sustain this kind of relationship. I never signed up for this. The moment that you let him make you feel irrelevant is the time that would forever mark you. Well in my case, I always felt bad about myself just 'cause I couldn't please him – that I wasn't good enough for anyone. It's as if a curse has been put on me that I should have a taste of all these when I'm at my happiest. Everything becomes a wreck as soon as you think it's perfect. Well, nothing's perfect but you see my point. But this time, I should make a stand. Maybe I wasn't the one who burdened him. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe it has always been like this but I hadn't realized it until now.


I think the thing that somehow holds me back is the thought that all the things that I've put up with will all go to waste. That all the efforts made would soon go down the drain and as cliché as it sounds; only the memories will be left. Of course it took me a while before I realized I was fighting this battle alone. Actually, there was a slight hope that maybe, he'll come to his senses and realizes that he might lose me. Indeed, I wasn't wrong. My expectations grew bigger until I couldn't handle it. In the end, I got disappointed at myself as my hopes were so high that it failed me. Well, I wouldn't blame anyone else. As a matter of fact, I've brought this upon myself which is why I should live with the consequences of it. I know it will be hard – harder than you can ever imagine. But I guess I have to do what I should have done a long time ago.


So the question lies. Do you think it's right to let go of someone who you've greatly invested to because everyone including yourself believes it's for the best?

Photo Credit: Tumblr
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

The One

Be honest, we all have the ideal person in our mind. I might sound crazy with all these and maybe I've seen a lot of rom-coms which shows flawless relationships which usually doesn't happen in real life. It may actually sound awfully ridiculous but I've came up with a list of that someone.

He would be someone who would not kiss me in the morning when I've just woken up just because he knows that it's unhygienic and believes that we have to brush our teeth first. But he knows that we can kiss right after. We would cook meals together as much as we can, eat it and have those "how did you day go?" conversations.

Due to our tight schedules, we wouldn't get to see each other as much as we'd love to. But we would make time for ourselves and have dinner. He would give me flowers, and even though I tell him how I hate them, he knows deep inside I love them and still surprises me with a dozen or two. He would spoil me every chance he can until I grow tired of it and tell him but doesn't stop. He would be funny and would always make ma laugh and would love my laugh, even my most embarrassing kind of laugh. He would know how I love to go to the movies and would come with me although he's tired from work. He would give me his hanky when he sees me crying over that stupid movie he didn't even want to see.

He would be someone who won't get tired of reading the articles I make and tell me his opinion on it. He would constantly tell me how good my writing is but wouldn't lie to me if it isn't. He would help me research and probably tag along when my boss assigns me to go out of town when he's free. We would celebrate whenever my writings get published even though I have been published so many times and never forgets to tell me how he's proud of me.

I would be crazy about him but not as much as he is with me. We would argue on a lot of things, but the day won't end until we figure things out. We would encounter a lot of issues in our relationship because no relationship is perfect, but that would not let me love him any less. He would be there to witness me on my happiest, but would not leave me in my darkest days. He would listen to me rant whenever I have to, and tells me I'm wrong when I really am. He would give me those forehead kisses when I need them just because he knows that it always make it better for me.

Someday, I will meet this person and right there and then; I will know. All the "woulds" will all be real and maybe, just maybe, he is the one.

March in Instagram

This is my first to put Instagram photos on this page, pretty much sums up what happened the whole month.

• Finals week = hell week, no photos of course. Survived it though, which means summer has started already!
• Got this really cool bookmark from my friend, Annika. I love it so much! It has a purple centipede wrapped on the girl and of course the word "the purple centipede" on the book she's reading. Cool, right? You can have yours customized as well!
• Went to the carnival with friends, it was fun. Scary but fun.
• Did my first legit interview with the Archbishop of Caceres. It was for my Feature Writing class and I was really glad that I chose him to be interviewed.
• Splurged on new cases for my phone! I think I just had to dress my baby up.
• Mom got me new running shoes. Yay finally, I started running and I love it. Never thought that I would love it but I really do.
• Purple hurr don't curr! Hahaha I just had to say it! Anyway, purple peekaboo hair for summer thanks to tita Luz who did my highlights before. I love it so much!

Summer had just started but I've been really productive in my own way. This is by far, the best summer. Seriously though, I've been having fun but getting things done right in time. I can't wait for what's in store for me for the following months.

I Have No Idea

I know that I always say that it's been a while since I've posted something blah blah blah but the truth is that, it's really been quite a while since I did. I won't lie, I missed writing on this blank space for this blog. And I miss being called a blogger though it annoys me all the time. It's just sad that I haven't written anything on this thing for half a year now. But fear no more, I will be writing again! Ha ha! As if it would make a big deal. But yes, I will be sharing useless and useful stuff again and I'm excited about it. It's nice to have something to look forward to every time I go online.

I actually don't know what I'll be posting here, I just want to take it slow and figure it out on my own. Anyway, the semester had just ended and a lot has happened. I tell you, it wasn't easy. I would just lay down at night and think about what had happened the whole day and would stare at blank air. I'm not even kidding! 

So it's summer time now and so far, I've been such a bum. Well, what's new? I have a lot in mind for the next two months - I want to be creative and productive. And of course, I want to practice on my writing. I know there's a lot of space for improvement.

But right now, all I want to do is sleep. Sleep sounds good right?

And, hey! If you haven't noticed, I have a new and cleaner layout. Charot!