Thursday, May 16, 2013

On High Hopes and Disappointments


Have you every found yourself thinking that the person who you thought was the best for you, is actually the reason why you're messed up? I have. A couple of times actually. I don't know why I can't get out of it as much as I want to. Believe me, I've tried to do it a couple of times but I always failIt's like he's the magnet and I'm a piece of metal, that whatever I do, I just can't stay away from him. Maybe it was easier then to have never tried getting in. Had I thought that I would be wasting a lot of sanity, I wouldn't have even bothered building what seems to be this friendship that is hard to maintain.

I actually never thought that it needed a lot of effort to sustain this kind of relationship. I never signed up for this. The moment that you let him make you feel irrelevant is the time that would forever mark you. Well in my case, I always felt bad about myself just 'cause I couldn't please him – that I wasn't good enough for anyone. It's as if a curse has been put on me that I should have a taste of all these when I'm at my happiest. Everything becomes a wreck as soon as you think it's perfect. Well, nothing's perfect but you see my point. But this time, I should make a stand. Maybe I wasn't the one who burdened him. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe it has always been like this but I hadn't realized it until now.

I think the thing that somehow holds me back is the thought that all the things that I've put up with will all go to waste. That all the efforts made would soon go down the drain and as cliché as it sounds; only the memories will be left. Of course it took me a while before I realized I was fighting this battle alone. Actually, there was a slight hope that maybe, he'll come to his senses and realizes that he might lose meIndeed, I wasn't wrongMy expectations grew bigger until I couldn't handle it. In the end, I got disappointed at myself as my hopes were so high that it failed me. Well, I wouldn't blame anyone else. As a matter of fact, I've brought this upon myself which is why I should live with the consequences of it. I know it will be hard  harder than you can ever imagine. But I guess I have to do what I should have done a long time ago.

So the question liesDo you think it's right to let go of someone who you've greatly invested to because everyone including yourself believes it's for the best?

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.