Thursday, May 25, 2017

Am I Not Good Enough? Why do I have a feeling that I'm not.

Taiwan 2016

Revisiting all my drafts and I see this one from 2013 that's somehow still close to my heart. Has nothing really changed since then? It's funny how a 21-year-old Nadine thinks. But here goes...

Have you ever wished that you'd be good at something? Not just like that run of the mill good but become extremely good at it. Like, if you were to be great at something, what would it be?

I wish that I'd be good in arts and design. Come on. Where was I when God showered people with artistic skills. Was I hiding in a humongous shade that I didn't get any of it? Anyway, that's really not the point.

Sometimes, I wish that I'd be a lot better in writing. That I'd get to explain what I'm feeling more and to actually touch the one reading any of my pieces. It's great when someone can somewhat relate to you. You know how it is. It's just hard to write especially when there's a lot going through my mind that I can't put them all down to words. Just like what's happening now actually. It's really frustrating sometimes that I can't express myself well. I really don't know if it's a good thing that I have a lot of rubbish in mind that most of the time I can't convey

You think it's easy to write... You just sit in front of a blank page and write it all down but it's not. I hope it works that way though, then it will be easier for me. This is exactly why I'm jealous of the real writers out there, that they have all these magnificent thoughts about everything and that they could write it all down.

I know I have a lot of insecurities that I have yet to fix, in reality and when it comes to my writing. Well, I know that there's no one perfect. But maybe perfect isn't something we all want.

And that's totally okay.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

i have four scenarios in mind

I’ve been tossing and turning for the past hour or so as the night engulfed me. I open my phone and scroll through the photos and videos we took a couple of days ago. I put the phone down and try to close my eyes, reliving the moments. What was I feeling? I turn to my phone and realized I needed to let it all out.

Friends have asked why I haven’t fallen in love with you yet. As a matter of fact, I already have and I’m just too scared to admit it.

What ifs here and there and I still can’t imagine if you’ll gladly accept or politely decline. There isn’t just a fixed answer to all these. You see, the possibilities are endless – well, at least I have four in my mind.

I tell you about my feelings and I’m surprised because you tell me the same thing. Well, that was easy. It’s just how everyone hopes for when you suddenly confess your love for someone. It’s the perfect scenario – girl likes boy, boy admits he has the same feeling for girl and they live happily ever after. But that’s not the case for us, it just can’t be.

I tell you I have strong feelings for you and then we try to work it out until we can. We might last forever or we might end up like everyone else and let go of each other after exhausting ourselves to the longevity of our promises and how complex they all are.

I tell you and you feel strong disgust, telling me how you felt betrayed all these years. But then, we see each other a few years later both in a joyous state and laugh all of it off.

I tell you and our friendship fades. All those text exchange and late night calls. All those stories we shared over food. Everything gone in seconds. We don’t talk anymore. We lose touch. We grow apart. We move on with our lives. We forget about each other. And I’ll forever hate how I even mustered up the strength to tell you and assumed it would have worked out well.

You see, I’m too scared of what might happen… So I just let these thoughts eat me up, hoping it’ll all just vanish into the dark night.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Photo Diary: Experience Cam Sur with Havaianas

It's been ages since I last posted something so I'm apologizing to myself. This semester has been a mix of torture and relaxation. Torture since I'm doing my thesis alone and a certain subject has been really hard for me. Thanks to these kind of events, I get to relax. The Havaianas team invited a couple of bloggers to experience Naga City like how any other tourists should have. Plus, we saw the photoshoot by MangoRed which was part of the promotion of Havaianas. 

Before I end this and write another post, I want to thank the people who made this event a success.

Avenue Plaza Hotel
Bigg's Diner
Blue Water Day Spa
CamSur Watersports Complex (CWC)
Ellana Mineral Cosmetics
and of course, the Havaianas team