Thursday, July 21, 2016

i have four scenarios in mind

I’ve been tossing and turning for the past hour or so as the night engulfed me. I open my phone and scroll through the photos and videos we took a couple of days ago. I put the phone down and try to close my eyes, reliving the moments. What was I feeling? I turn to my phone and realized I needed to let it all out.

Friends have asked why I haven’t fallen in love with you yet. As a matter of fact, I already have and I’m just too scared to admit it.

What ifs here and there and I still can’t imagine if you’ll gladly accept or politely decline. There isn’t just a fixed answer to all these. You see, the possibilities are endless – well, at least I have four in my mind.

I tell you about my feelings and I’m surprised because you tell me the same thing. Well, that was easy. It’s just how everyone hopes for when you suddenly confess your love for someone. It’s the perfect scenario – girl likes boy, boy admits he has the same feeling for girl and they live happily ever after. But that’s not the case for us, it just can’t be.

I tell you I have strong feelings for you and then we try to work it out until we can. We might last forever or we might end up like everyone else and let go of each other after exhausting ourselves to the longevity of our promises and how complex they all are.

I tell you and you feel strong disgust, telling me how you felt betrayed all these years. But then, we see each other a few years later both in a joyous state and laugh all of it off.

I tell you and our friendship fades. All those text exchange and late night calls. All those stories we shared over food. Everything gone in seconds. We don’t talk anymore. We lose touch. We grow apart. We move on with our lives. We forget about each other. And I’ll forever hate how I even mustered up the strength to tell you and assumed it would have worked out well.

You see, I’m too scared of what might happen… So I just let these thoughts eat me up, hoping it’ll all just vanish into the dark night.