 |
| I wish I had a recent photo to share but 2020 has been all kinds of crazy so this 2-year-old me should do the job for now |
Well, technically I'm still my 27-year-old self as I am typing this.
At 27 years old, I finally went into therapy. It wasn't the typical sit-in-a-clinic session we see in movies or TV shows. It was over Zoom. How 2020, no?
A few weeks ago, I found myself one evening bawling my eyes out. Was it hormones? I had no idea but I knew I was sad. I was alone and admitted to myself I was lonely. Tears just started pouring in. It didn't feel normal, and so I started browsing the internet for a therapist that would take me. I rescheduled the first one and missed the second one. At one point, it made me think the universe was trying to tell me that I shouldn't pursue it.
After messages here and there, we've successfully found the perfect time to meet. I don't know if therapists are built that way but mine was warm and I felt that I could easily open up to her. "I have supportive family and friends, I'm very blessed with my job and side hustles but why do I feel this way?" I asked her. What I learned about myself and from other people is that I try to dismiss what I truly feel. My therapist can even attest to this as I told her what I was feeling was normal. She quickly asked me why it felt normal and I answered that given the circumstances, I felt that everyone was feeling that way. She says whatever I was feeling was valid. I was probably having a quarter-life crisis and that it was okay.
Deep down I knew what I signed up for the moment I booked my session, but it felt refreshing to talk to someone who has no inkling of who I was. She was just there to listen to me and give suggestions from a sound mind. I didn't feel any judgment in the number of minutes we were talking.
Here are some of the pieces of advice that stuck with me:
1. I should be kinder to my parents as I will regret that in the future.
2. I shouldn't be worrying too much as most people my age haven't figure out what they want in life yet.
3. I should try to have balance in my life. She suggested researching more about what Ikigai is and applying it to my life.
I honestly don't remember the rest of the session but it was a great feeling that I was vulnerable with someone and that I cried my heart out. Did the session help me? I think so. Leading up to my birthday this year, I've never felt this calm and content. I remember I'd have the birthday blues every year. I even have a lot of entries of that here that never saw the light of day.
I'm celebrating my birthday alone this year. No restaurants, no bars, no family or friends, and I'm actually pretty calm about it. If anything, I'm just grateful to be celebrating another year — the gift of life as most people would call it. As I get a plus one in my age this year, I only hope for one thing: that I will be in the same headspace or even better as I am in now.
See you in 2021 😛
