No More Promises

Re-reading my old journals before I bid 2013 goodbye. It's funny how I was a completely different girl back then. I'm actually surprised of how I've become in just a span of 3 years. I may have found and lost my passion in-between but I can't wait to revisit what I believe I really want for myself. I opened up 2013 with a lot of promises and have broken almost everything on the list. So instead of making new promises, I'd rather be surprised with what 2014 will bring. A few weeks ago, I had this nice talk with a really good friend and he told me to find my passion and work on it and I think that's what I'm going to be busy about this year.

The Number Game

So there's this number game that's been going around Twitter the past days. Mechanics: DM me a number 1-500 and I'll tell you how I feel about you in a tweet without anyone knowing. Remember your number.

You didn't give me any number but here's what I have to say about you. I've loved you so much that I can pretty much do anything for you. My closest friends know that for a fact. I can still clearly remember the day I told you that I had feelings for you. You were telling me that it was just normal and that it was okay. But it was not 'cause I don't usually profess what I feel about a person.

Apparently, my feelings grew bigger that even I couldn't handle them. I've been in love with the thought that you'd change your mind about me or at least have made up your mind. A lot of our friends keep on telling me that I should just brush off my emotions and forget about it; forget about you. God, I wish it was that easy. 

I once had this same situation with someone else and I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want my love to turn into anger and then learn to hate you. I don't want to feel these towards you because it's just different with you; you're different and because at one point, we were really friends.

Just recently, my friend told me to just end all of this. "Easier said than done," I abruptly said. She then asks me, "has he done something for you?" And then it hit me, you haven't done anything really but to make me like you even more and hate you at the same time 'cause you can't reciprocate what I'm feeling.

Then there's this game that made me realize that we had no real connection going on. Call me shallow but it's the truth. This so-called friendship of ours isn't over yet though. I don't regret anything I've ever done to/with you, I hope you don't as well. I just need time to breathe and accept everything.