On Being Alone. . .

I haven't been this emotional for quite some time and it feels weird. I don't know if it's me or it's just my hormones acting up. Actually, I'm not really alone given that I'm around my family all the time and I was just talking to the best friend earlier via Skype and it was fun. You know the feeling when you think you're alone though you're not? Plus my playlist has not been of any help...

Just the thought of being alone is scary. I have been afraid of it for the past 18 years. Come to think of it, who wants to be? I guess this is the reason why I write. I write 'cause though I feel I'm alone, there's something that tells me that I'm not. I'm still hoping that there's someone out there who really gets what I write. May that be the sensible posts or not -- well mostly not.

I'm totally clueless on what this post really mean. I just wanted to let go of this heavy feeling. And if I'm lucky enough, I find someone who feels the same thing or dealt with the same thing and got over it. To anyone reading this and have the same complication, you can always talk to me. *virtual hug*

love,

Should I or should I not?

I'm here to rant :| Sorry for the inconvenience.

It's 1:28 in the morning and I seriously should be sleeping right now. I've been thinking about so many things lately and it's been bothering me.

Before I entered college, I had a very hard time deciding what to take and what to focus on. My parents were telling me to major in Accountancy, but I didn't want it because I seriously suck in Math. Like seriously! Lol. Because I really didn't like what they wanted for me, they made me decide for myself. That's why I ended up with Business Administration which I didn't know beforehand that an Accounting subject in that major would be bloody hell hard :| Trust me, it was really hard for me.

Anyhoo, these past few months without doing anything but bumming in front of a laptop sure sucked big time but made me realize what I really want for my future. I've been thinking of changing the path that I took last year and major in Journalism :D This is something new about me but I'm willing to give it a try. I told Dad about this earlier, he frowned and said that I have no future if I choose this. I really don't know about it yet, but I want to take that certain risk. For the first time in my life, I was really sure of this when I made the decision.

Now's the big question, should I or should I not change my path? :|

Say what!

I'm not THAT happy.

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Nadine
Birth Date: November 3
Current Location: Naga City, Philippines
Hair Color: Brownish reddish black
Righty/Lefty: Righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Being alone.
Your dream of the perfect date: The perfect boy. The rest doesn’t matter.
Goals you’d like to achieve: Independence.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: What time is it?
Your best physical feature: Eyes.
Your bed time: 12 am - 5 am, depends on the day.
Your most missed memory: Being with friends, my best friend ~.~

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald’s.
Single or Group Dates: Group Dates
Adidas or Nike: Nike? I'm not a big fan.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee.

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: I tried but no.
Cuss: All the fucking time.
Take showers: Everyday.
Have a crush: Yes.
Like school: No.
Believe in yourself: Sometimes yes.
Believe what goes around comes around: Yes.
Believe everything happens for a reason: Yes.
Think you’re a health freak: I am now!

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yes.
Been on stage: No.
Eaten sushi: Yes.
Been hurt: Yes.
Dyed your hair: Yes.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: No.
Kissed the same sex: Yes, duh.
Got beaten up: Not really.
Changed who you were to fit in: I guess.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 29-32.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 3-5

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: All of them.
hair color: All of them. I love hair.
short or long hair: Long, baby.
Looks or personality: Both, but 70% personality, 30% looks.
Fun or serious: A little bit of both.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: This.
1 HOUR AGO: Internet.
1 WEEK AGO: Internet.
1 YEAR AGO: Internet.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: Really happy!
I HATE: The guy I last kissed :|
I HIDE: What people don't need to see.
I NEED: Something/someone to make me happy all the time.
I LOVE: Everything/everyone that surrounds me (:

Just somethin' somethin'

“What I need is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”

Just something to share today. I just felt alone today, that's all.

Days.

It's been a week or so since my last post. Uhuh, I was too lazy! Plus, I had nothing good to say so why write here? I'm on Twitter and on Tumblr so that's kind of a blog too right? I guess I'm not THAT lazy. I guess I have to fill this up of what has happened in the past few days. Don't worry, I'll walk you through it.

So my last post here was April 27 and I wrote about me being too tired 'cause of the jog. Well, technically that was the story of my day last April 26 so 27 doesn't really count. And why am I talking to myself while writing this post? Dang it, I'm losing my mind.

April 27, 2010

Well, all I can remember is that, that's a Tuesday. Oh yea! I stayed home all day. It has been too long and I really can't remember anything about that day. I guess Mom asked me if I wanted to go jogging with her in the morning but I said no 'cause my legs are too sore. Hahaha! Plus, I think I had a hangover from my friend's birthday celebration.

April 28, 2010

Oh man, I think I have to skip a couple of days 'cause it's really not worth it. I think I stayed home too much! Hahaha!

May 1, 2010

Yay! It's the first day of May and it's Labor Day! My Aunt had to host a lunch for the family so we went to their house then stayed there for a couple of hours, hanged out with my cousins then that's it! Well, I'm kidding. Mom, Dad and I went to the mall and went s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g! Uhuh, I bought a LOT of stuffs just 'cause my sister wasn't with us =P That's the joy of being the youngest child! Hahaha! So yea, I bought a new flat iron. It's a ceramic one! Yay me! <3>

So after a few hours strolling, I asked if we can watch a movie so we did! Well, Dad wasn't that excited :| But it was an okay movie.

May 2, 2010

Sunday means family day. Spent the day at home. Woke up extremely late! Mom was pissed at me, as always! Attended mass with the family then went home to my Grandma's house to have our going away party for my Aunt who's going back to Canada. Lots of food again, gahhhh! When will this ever end???

May 3, 2010

Woke up kinda early. Lol. Well, my Aunt left for Manila today :( She's going back to Canada in a day or two. I feel so sad about it that's why I promised myself just a couple of hours ago that if I leave the Philippines, I will never go back unless needed. I mean, it's just hard to let go. If I want to settle somewhere, I have to be just there. It's a must for me. New York, I will see you soon I hope!