Dead Cows

Photo Credits: Google Images

One of the creepiest dreams I've ever had. Well, I've been dreaming about weird stuff before but this takes the number one spot I tell you. I was going home from downtown with a friend and there were dead cows all over. I mean, seriously they were on the bridge, all over the road. The people were even in their usual selves like it was normal to have dead cows there.

I was a little worried on what it meant. So, I consulted the web for it's interpretation:

Seeing dead cows, it may be that your old self needs to be left behind. This may mean that you must stop carrying around with you the crippling burden of your past {irrational guilt-feelings and martyrdom complex, or any other negative self-programming}; and, instead, you must open yourself to what the present moment is offering. Alternatively, the "old self" may be old attachments, habits, ambitions, values, goals; in which case the dream is telling you that the only way forward for you lies through giving these up and looking deeper within yourself for better values, etc. {where "better" means more in tune with your real self}


Okay, I can normally breathe again. Apparently, my best friend and I were talking about things in the past yesterday and I believe I said something about how I can't move on yet since I'm still stuck with the past. I don't know, I think I still need this some sort of closure with people. I care so much about people who doesn't even think about me. In 2012, I should give more time to people who cares about me. It should be the other way around next year.

On Being Alone. . .

I haven't been this emotional for quite some time and it feels weird. I don't know if it's me or it's just my hormones acting up. Actually, I'm not really alone given that I'm around my family all the time and I was just talking to the best friend earlier via Skype and it was fun. You know the feeling when you think you're alone though you're not? Plus my playlist has not been of any help...

Just the thought of being alone is scary. I have been afraid of it for the past 18 years. Come to think of it, who wants to be? I guess this is the reason why I write. I write 'cause though I feel I'm alone, there's something that tells me that I'm not. I'm still hoping that there's someone out there who really gets what I write. May that be the sensible posts or not -- well mostly not.

I'm totally clueless on what this post really mean. I just wanted to let go of this heavy feeling. And if I'm lucky enough, I find someone who feels the same thing or dealt with the same thing and got over it. To anyone reading this and have the same complication, you can always talk to me. *virtual hug*

love,

As Expected

You know the feeling of being close with someone but at the same time you feel that you're not? Well, this blog doesn't cater thoughts like these but what gives. I'm not really that kind to write publicly of what I feel, usually I go to a friend and endlessly rant about what's bothering me then I'm good to go. But right now, I feel different maybe because I've been reading a lot of stories on LGMH. I realized that there's nothing wrong with sharing short thoughts as long as they're heartfelt and real.

You see, I've known this person for years now but it seems like we haven't really connected these past few weeks. You know the feeling when you need that certain someone 'cause you think he's the only one who'll understand? I thought I have him but turns out I don't.

love,

Goodbye 17. Hello 18.

Usually, I get really excited months before my birthday. I plan impossible things and I exaggerate a lot too. This is not new for a young woman like me. Yes, that sounds weird but I am a young woman now. Talking to friends about how I should celebrate it, endlessly begging my parents for a party (which by the way, I had when I was 1 year old until I was 12 or 13? That, I'm not sure of.) and counting the days before my birthday is awful. 

Last year, I happily celebrated my birthday with my close friends. Sadly, one of my best friends didn't get to spend the day with me. Oh yes, she has been M.I.A for almost a year now too. Anyway, this year isn't different from last year. A year before my birthday, I was looking at online shops listing the items I want. 3 months before November, I was excitingly thinking of stuff I wanna do with friends. A couple of weeks before my birth month, I tweeted a blogger whom I admire, Raleene Cabrera and asked her what she did when she was 18 and replied to me that she only had dinner with her family and a few friends; plus, she doesn't believe on spending millions for a grand party. A day before my birthday, I am sitting here and have no idea on what to do on my one special day.

These past few days, I have been really emotional because I think I deserve to be happy too. Everyone deserves to be happy. Why can't I be happy?

Alas! The last photo I took before becoming 18. I will be missing you, younger Nadine!

P.S. The photo is a lie, I'm not really happy.

NEW CAMERA, WHERE ART THOU?

This post might have several rants coming from me. Read if you wanna learn about them. /smiling

I've done a post about me needing (wanting) a new camera and until now I haven't saved up enough moolah for it :( Why do I need a new camera?

1) I want high quality photos. I have my BlackBerry and the photos are good but it isn't good enough for this blog. Sorry BB phone but momma still love you.

2) My first camera's dead now, well at least I think it is although the memory card's just the whole problem. I had the Nikon COOLPIX 4300 and it was the best I had. I told mom I needed a new memory card but she still has not bought one yet :( So yes, I'm stuck with my phone camera.

3) Whenever I see blogs with HQ photos, I become envious. I know it's bad but I'm bad so it's okay. /laughing *___*

4) I have my visitors and I want to give them good; no, great photos!

I know ranting would bring no good but what gives! So for now, I'm saying that we should all be happy with my phone photos! Hahaha! I know I didn't bring any point in this post but you just have to bare with me.

Mickey who?

(Sorry for the extreme flash from the camera lol)

My best bud and I were supposed to buy the same pair of sneakers! Well I bought it first. I really love the print, makes me wanna go back to my childhood days :| Oh, and the sneakers comes in Purple and Green too.

I'm really not a big fan of Mickey Mouse but because of this, I love him already! I'm totally in love with these (heart)

Uh, wait. Who am I?!

I was viewing my Tumblr dashboard a while ago and I came across Saab Magalona's post on The Carrie Diaries. I instantly looked for a summary of the book and found it really really REALLY interesting. One thing popped out of my mind, "I want that book!" So, here I am ranting and ranting lol. I just can't stop ranting huh? Anyway, I will look for that book.

After I read the book, I promise to give a review about it. *pinky swears*

Pretty much everything you need to know.

My personality:

I’m loud only when I’m high.

I’m obnoxious.

I’m sarcastic.

I’m cocky.

I cry easily.

I have a bad temper.

For the most part, I don’t like people.

I’m easy to get along with.

I like to fight.

I have more enemies than friends.

I’ve smoked. -I'm not gonna lie, I tried once and that's it!

I’ve smoked weed.

I drink coffee.

I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

I wear makeup.

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.

I wear contacts.

I wear glasses.

I’ve had braces.

I have braces.

I change my hair color often.

I straighten my hair often.

My ears are pierced.

I have small feet.

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship now.

I’m single.

I’m crushin’

I’ve missed an ex before.

I’m always scared of being hurt.

An ex has physically abused me at least once.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

I’ve been in love more than two times.

I believe in love at first sight.

I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships:

I have a best friend.

I have at least ten friends.

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.

I’ve beaten up a friend. -Duh, friends do that! Hahaha.

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.

I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences:

I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve been on a train.

I’ve left the state/province.

Someone close to me has died.

I’ve taken a taxi.

I’ve taken a city bus.

I’ve taken a school bus.

I’ve gone bungee jumping.

I’ve made a speech.

I’ve been in some sort of club.

I’ve won an award.

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.

I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music:

I listen to R&B.

I listen to country.

I listen to pop.

I listen to techno.

I listen to rock.

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.

I hate the radio.

I download music.

I buy CD’s.

Television:

I’ve seen and liked America’s Best Dance Crew.

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.

I watch soap operas daily.

I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.

I’ve seen and liked The OC.

I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill.

I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.

I’ve seen and like Popular.

I’ve seen and like House.

I’ve seen and like 24.

I’ve seen and like CSI.

I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life:

I get along with both of my parents.

My biological parents are still together.

I have at least one brother.

I have at least one sister.

I have at least one step brother/sister.

I have at least one half brother/sister.

I’ve been kicked out of the house.

I’ve ran away from my home.

I’ve sworn at my parents.

I’ve made my parents cry.

I’ve lied to my parents.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

I’ve been brown.

I’ve had streaks.

I’ve cut my hair in the past year.

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.

I’ve been blonde.

I’ve had black.

I’ve been red.

I’ve been light brown.

I’ve been medium brown.

I’ve had purple/pink.

I’ve been blue/green.

I’ve gotten my hair thinned.

I use conditioner.

I’ve used silk therapy.

I’ve used hot oil treatments.

I’ve curled my hair.

I’ve straightened my hair.

I’ve ironed my hair.

I’ve braided my hair.

I’ve had/want dreadlocks.

School:

I’ve yelled at a teacher.

I’ve been suspended.

I’ve had an in-school suspension.

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.

I’ve walked out of class.

I’ve skipped an entire day of school.

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.

I’ve failed a test.

I’ve cheated on a test.

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.

I’ve failed Art.

I’ve failed P.E.

I’ve failed Math.

I’ve failed Science.

I’ve failed another class.

A teacher has called my parents.

Should I or should I not?

I'm here to rant :| Sorry for the inconvenience.

It's 1:28 in the morning and I seriously should be sleeping right now. I've been thinking about so many things lately and it's been bothering me.

Before I entered college, I had a very hard time deciding what to take and what to focus on. My parents were telling me to major in Accountancy, but I didn't want it because I seriously suck in Math. Like seriously! Lol. Because I really didn't like what they wanted for me, they made me decide for myself. That's why I ended up with Business Administration which I didn't know beforehand that an Accounting subject in that major would be bloody hell hard :| Trust me, it was really hard for me.

Anyhoo, these past few months without doing anything but bumming in front of a laptop sure sucked big time but made me realize what I really want for my future. I've been thinking of changing the path that I took last year and major in Journalism :D This is something new about me but I'm willing to give it a try. I told Dad about this earlier, he frowned and said that I have no future if I choose this. I really don't know about it yet, but I want to take that certain risk. For the first time in my life, I was really sure of this when I made the decision.

Now's the big question, should I or should I not change my path? :|